Work, it’s a necessary evil for most people. Having spent the last 3 years in education I’ve been lucky enough to not have to concern myself with it to much in that period. That is not to say that I’m a lazy git that can’t be bothered to put in an honest days graft, part of my reason for going back into education was my frustration at working hard, long hours and receiving very little (and I include my wages in that statement) in return. I’m currently working a lot of nights, I may grumble about the shifts from time to time but they don’t bother me that much. The real issue is the knock on strain it’s putting on my family. It basically means that Jen is left to deal with the vast majority of things herself. Again it’s not that she can’t do it, she’s more than capable, but I wish I was there to help, I feel guilty that I can’t help more.
As Mason approaches 9 months old it’s clear we can’t afford for Jen to take any unpaid maternity leave making me feel like I can’t provide for my family in the way I want to/ believed I’d be able to by now. I tweeted the other day making reference to how nice and how rare an occurrence it was to be in bed at the same time as Jen, because as she gets up I go to bed.
Out of all of this Jen is placed under more stress than I am by me working these hours. I know (and so does she) that currently it’s completely necessary and isn’t permanent. This doesn’t make me any less concerned about what I appear to be putting my family through in the short term. Like any less than desirable situation that anybody can find themselves in it’s hard to see the end of the tunnel while your still in it.